The last few days have been a bit rougher for me, both physically and emotionally. It was so much easier and more fun walking with Claus. I think I was geared up for aloneness when I began the Camino and then was caught off guard and pleasantly surprised by the companionship and spiritual stimulation walking with Claus provided. Now that I know how different this pilgrimage can be when journeying with someone (both physically and spiritually) it has been quite the adjustment to returning to my aloneness.
It’s even harder physically. Maybe because I’m not distracted by looking over to see a handsome face and loving look or simply because we were so engrossed in conversation that we weren’t paying attention to the pain. Either way, both my heart AND my feet ache with Claus gone.
I don’t mean to be a complainer and I, honestly, don’t feel complainy but it doesn’t help that the temperature has dropped significantly, either! It was freezing and windy and misty walking up the mountain today. My fingers were numb most of the time and I’m really hoping the sunscreen I put on also works to protect against windburn.
And, since I took the bus into Leon, I jumped ahead a couple of days so all the friends I had been traveling with and getting to know and sharing Pilgrim meals with are behind me. I need to make all new friends and, as an introvert, that is not an easy task for me. I have found myself sitting alone at a table writing or on my top bunk reading. I know I should simply pull up a chair and make a new group of peregrinos to journey with but I have fallen back into old patterns of isolation and shyness and keeping my head stuck in a book.
On a less Debby-Downer note, the scenery is getting more beautiful by the day. This morning, I was overcome with awareness of how grateful I am that I get to wake up before dawn and walk away from the sunrise with the rays illuminating such different and stunning landscape everyday. Today was a 20 kilometer climb up a mountain, which was hard on the hips but easy on the eyes.
I will have to say that I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time putting on my jacket then taking it off then putting on my windbreaker then taking it off then pulling my buff on over my nose then taking it off. Then putting on my gloves then taking them off. All this requires taking off my daypack each time, too. Plus, I bought a sling to carry my water so that must be unslung, as well. Not to mention, attempting to do this while holding my trekking poles or leaning them against something only to have them fall down and need to be picked up. Yes, I think I have definitely fallen into the whiny pit. Don’t judge me. I’ll meet a friend or get a good night’s sleep or drink a café con leche or talk to my kids back home or Claus in Denmark and forget what I was so down in the dumps about.
Uh oh, I’ve heard that we create our own reality. That may be true because after writing all this “low vibration” fodder, the wifi in this entire village went out 30 minutes before I was to FaceTime with Claus. I better turn my attitude around real fast or the heat may go out in this tiny mountain town and then I’ll really be feeling sorry for myself. I think I’ll cut this blog off short because I don’t want to bring your day down with my cloudy mood. I’ll wake up to a brighter day. Thanks for just being with me in the loneliness tonight, though.